written by Karen
Chapter Seven
Shang stared at her pale frame lying on her bed. She was resting. The doctor said she was going to be okay, but Shang just didn't feel too reassured. He wanted to go home, away from the Fa household, but he had to wait until Mulan awoke- he had to tell her..
She stirred in her bed. Shang moved to the edge of his seat, watching her with such intent as if he were trying to waken her with his will. She did not wake; rather, she turned on her side to face the wall. Shang shook his head slowly, placing his face in his hands. He finally pulled himself together, stood up, and informed her parents that he was going into the garden, and to notify him if Mulan awoke.
He strode around the lake, and finally stopped at a bench underneath a cherry blossom tree. He sat, but immediately stood back up, his inner turmoil preventing him from any kind of relaxation, All he could think of was the stable fight-and Mulan. Somehow he had to tell her what he had done- and then, he must never see her again. He stopped pacing dead in his tracks, staring forward as if he were in a trance.
He was back in the stable. Shan-Yu was slowly approaching Mulan. Shang, as planned, had his dagger drawn, and was ready to throw it at Shan-Yu. He knew he couldn't nail him this time.. there would have to be two shots. He was advancing closer on Mulan, and Shang couldn't stand it. He threw his dagger. Once the knife left his hand, he realized that his shot had not been sure. He bearly grazed Shan-Yu's face. This wasn't too far off the target, but it was not up to par with Shang's perception of how that throw should have been.
He slid around the side of the stable, and past Shan-Yu. Locating his dagger, which was lodged in the door post, Shang darted behind Shan-Yu and quickly pulled it out. He slowly edged closer to Shan-Yu, and then hid behind the wooden wall of one of the stalls. He made not a movement until he heard himself being summoned.
"Captain Shang" Shan-Yu seemed to sing.
"Here I am," Shang said nobly.
"Ah yes, you are a man with a sense of honor." The barn doors swung open, surprising Shang, but he did not move. He was remembering his dream. "But I am not" Shang's mind was not clear, but he threw his dagger at Shan-Yu anyways. He charged Shan-Yu, who was swiftly moving his knife closer to Mulan's throat. He knew that he was going to die, and he wanted to take her with him. Shang pulled strength from his every fiber, and pounced on Shan-Yu with all his might.
Shang realized how easy it was to knock Shan-Yu down. Not nearly as hard as it had been at the imperial palace. He made sure Shan-Yu was not going to jump at him, and then crawled to his body, kneeling by his side. The lightning flashed just long enough for Shang to find the destination of his dagger. But that wasn't all he saw. A piece of c loth from the collar of Mulan's dress was pinned between the dagger and Shan-Yu's breathless neck. He looked up to see Mulan, bleeding from her neck.. just where the cloth had been torn-
"Hi." Shang jumped at the feel of Mulan's hand on his shoulder. Mulan looked at him, very concerned. She had never seen him get startled. "A-- are you okay, Shang?" Shang looked at her. She looked beautiful-She was wearing a pink dress, which brought out the hue of her lovely face, and her face was seemingly framed by her raven hair. He quickly looked away. How could he associate with her? He already hurt her once.. what if he did it again?
"Mulan--" he said, sitting down on the bench. He was still staring at the ground. "there is something very serious that I think you should know..."
Mulan just looked at him. She had a bad feeling about this. Shang wasn't blushing, like the last time he told her he needed to tell him something. He looked sick- only, worse than he had looked when he told her of his nightmare.
"Mulan, I told you once that I couldn't stand it if anything happend to you.." he looked at her as she sat next to him, and then back at the ground. She put her arm around his shoulders to comfort him, but he shook it off. She looked at his proile.. tears were beginning to form in his strong, black, hawklike eyes. He leaned forward, his elbows propping himself up on his knees. His head remained bowed towards the ground.
"I thought that maybe I could protect you- but I ended up hurting you, instead of Shan-Yu."
"What? Shang, you don't know what you're talking about. You saved me." Shang shook his head. A tear slid down his strong cheek. He wiped it away with his left hand.
"You don't understand." He sat up and looked at her. His eyes reflected so much pain. He brushed away the hair from Mulan's face with his right hand to reveal the patch of gauze on the left side of her neck. "I gave you this," he said, lightly touching her skin around the patch.
"No, you didn't. I'm sure of it." Mulan assured him. He shook his head again.
"Come." He said strongly. He stood up, and began to walk to the stable. Mulan followed him. They entered the stable where Shan-Yu's body still lay. Shang stepped over the dead Hun nearby, and knelt near Shan-Yu's lifeless body. "Look." Shang pointed to the piece of cloth that had been torn from Mulan's collar the night before. It caught Mulan off guard, but she quickly began..
"That means nothing. Shang, please.. listen to me...
"Mulan, don't you understand? It wasn't Shan-Yu, but I who pierced your throat. If I can do something like that to you, then I am not worthy of your trust. How can I be sure that something like this won't happen again? If I keep close to you, sooner or later, it may be me who is responsible for the death of Mulan." Mulan looked at him strangely, her eyebrows and forehead asking if this was truly happening. Shang turned and walked to his horse. All was quiet as he saddled him up. He led the horse outside, and then mounted him.
"Shang- you didn't do it! Trust ME. " Mulan addressed him, holding his horse's reigns just below its chin. Shang looked at her with such love and passion and sadness that even Mulan was overwhelmed by his gaze. She turned her head downward. "Listen-" she said, beginning to look up at Shang. He looked sadly away from Mulan, and shook the reigns once to relieve them from her hand. He turned his horse, and headed off at a walking pace towards his home, not heeding Mulan's pleas for him to stop and come back.
'Not heeding' does not mean 'not listening to'. He heard every word, and stored them up as the precious last words spoken to him from the woman he loved, but could never see again. When he was nearly out of sight of the Fa house, he turned his horse to get one last glimpse. Mulan had long since stopped yelling at him. She must have realized it was useless. She was still standing there, looking after him, hoping upon hope that he would return. Tears welled up in his eyes, but none fell. He turned towards his home once more, and galloped away.
Shang reached his home. He jumped off his horse and slowly led it to his stable. He couldn't believe what he had just done. It seemed as if he were in a dream. Now, instead of saving Mulan, it was he who hurt her. She was dead to him now. Maybe he shouldn't have visited her in the first place. He trudged inside the stable, brushed off his stallion, fed it, and then walked outside. It was twilight. He stepped inside the dimly lit house.
"Mother?" he looked around for Li Mei.
"Shang" His mother came in from the kitchen. She approached him and embraced him warmly. She could tell something was wrong. "What troubles you?" She asked him with her quiet, prodding voice. Shang walked to his room and sat on his bed. His mother followed, and sat down on his left. He proceeded to tell her of his journey.
"I asked Fa Zhou if I could steadily visit Mulan. He consented."
"When do I meet her?" Li Mei asked with a weak smile.
"There have been-- complications." Shang looked at his mother, so concerned and confused.. just as Mulan had been when he told her he had to leave her. He continued with his story, pausing only to prevent his voice from trembling.
"..and I turned from her house one last time."
"Shang, are you sure you were the cause of her injury?"
"Not entirely.. but what else could it have been? Her cut was right where the cloth had been torn. And I didn’t throw with a clear mind, as father taught me. I can't see Mulan get injured again because of me."
"You cannot always have a clear mind. Mulan would be dead if it weren't for you. Let me show you something. Something from long ago, which your father forbade me to speak of." Li Mei slowly got up from Shangs bed. "Wait here" She left his bedroom, and returned minutes later, wearing shorts and a shirt. They were old, from when Li Mei was younger. She stood before her son.
"Mother?" Shang looked at his mother, surprised at what she was wearing. He had never seen a woman in shorts before. It was very surprising. His mother took no notice of his questioning words. She began to speak as if she were hypnotized. Her eyes became glazed over with the vivid memory of the past, which she had not spoken of for so long.
"Twenty years ago, on the day of your birth, I too, had 'complications'. When I was in labor with you, we discovered that you were different. You would not come out, because you were in an irreguar position. Your father and I knew that if you were not removed soon, both you and I would die. Your father made the hardest decision of his life. Not at all like his military decisions. He decided between baby and mother. It was a decision that could only be made in minutes, and there was no medic nearby. We had called for one, but he had not yet arrived. So your father kissed me for what we both thought was the last time, drew his sword, and gave me this." She lifted her shirt slightly to reveal a linear scar across her stomach. Shang quietly gasped in awe.
"But--Wh--" Shang was cut off by his mother.
"We needed to get you out. And this was the only way." She said, motioning to her stomach. "He got you out. By now, I was unconscious because of pain and loss of blood. The medic arrived and closed me up. I remained in bed for weeks, and at one point I was very close to death. But the hope of seeing you grow up and the thought of being with your father made me strong, and I lived. It took your father a very long time to forgive himself for doing such a thing to me. He forgot the reason he did it in the first place. He didn’t do it because he valued something higher than me.. He did it to save you.. and me. It took him nearly eleven years to finally realize he saved me instead of hurting and nearly killing me." Shang was silent. "I will leave you now. I am tired, and there is much housework to be done tomorrow." And with that, his mother kissed him on the forehead and left the room.
Shang began to think. He thought as he changed into his bedclothes, he thought as he ate a snack, he thought as he got ready for bed, and he was still thinking when he returned to his room. Maybe it wasn’t his fault after all. He could have hit Mulan, but if he didn’t visit her at all, she would be dead. But he told her he couldn’t see her again. He basically told her that she was dead to him. By the end of the hour, Shang had done what it took his father eleven years to accomplish. He forgave himself, and slept well that night.
After watching Shang leave, Mulan stood there a couple more minutes. Did what she think just happened actually happen? Did Shang really leave for good? "yep" she thought. She wiped her tears away, and turned to go back to the house. It was about 3:00 in the morning, and she was tired. She cried silently as she got ready for bed. She couldn't sleep. It was getting lighter now. Fa Li entered Mulan's room with some hot tea. Mulan took it gratefully. Her mother's tea always helped her sleep.
"How did you know I was awake?"
"I can hear your rustling and sobbing from miles away." Li smiled at her daughter. Her smile quickly faded. She looked at Mulan a little closer. It was still dark, but Mulan looked a little feverish. "Sleep now. Rest for the day. You need it." Fa Li felt Mulan's forehead. Hot and moist. Rest would be the cure. Rest and Li Shang. But Li Shang she could not provide.
The day went by quickly. With plenty of rest, Mulan quickly fought off the onsetting illness. By dinner, she was fine. The Fa family knelt around the table. Mulan, as usual, poured the tea.
"What happened to Captain Li?" Fa Zhou asked his daughter. Mulan told the story from beginning to end; from the true reason Shang came to their house to the reason he left.
"But I'm sure he didn’t cut me."
"How are you sure?" Fa Zhou asked.
"I felt Shan-Yu's body cringe. Then I saw Shan-Yu's knife. And then I felt the pain."
"Perhaps we should go to the stable and see if we can find some evidence."
"Father?" Mulan asked, wondering what he was getting at.
"If it was Shan-Yu's dagger that pierced your throat, it ought to have some blood on it, wouldn’t you think?" Mulan smiled, and ran around the table to hug her father.
"Lets go!" She stood, grabbing Fa Zhou's arm.
"Mulan-" He wasn’t yet done with his meal.
"Come on. Pleeease?" Mulan tugged at his arm, not listening to his protests. He dropped his chopsticks, and was helped up by Mulan. She practically dragged him the whole way to the stable. The bodies of Shan-Yu and the hun had been removed earlier that day. All that remained was the dagger of Shang, and the dagger of Shan-Yu. Mulan grabbed a cloth from a nearby table propped up againsed the wall, She knelt down, picking up Shang's dagger. She slowly wiped it clean. The she turned to her left and found Shan-Yu's dagger. She put Shang's dagger down, and picked up Shan-Yu's. She looked at it closely.
"Yesssss!!" She yelled, and dropped the dagger and cloth. She jumped up and hugged her father excitedly. "We have found what we hoped for!" Her father smiled.
"Very good. I expect, then, you will be paying Captain Li a visit this time."
"Oh, can I?" Mulan released her father and held him at arm's length, smiling.
"Tomorrow. Tonight, you must rest. You need it." Mulan looked excited, and then gave her father a funny look. This was the second time someone said this to her within a twenty-four hour period. She wondered how she looked. She shook off the thought, and jumped once out of excitement.
"Okay, okay.. Let me get the knives and we will walk back together." Mulan quickly picked up the two daggers. They walked back to the house in silence. Once inside, Mulan ran to the linen closet and pulled out two clean cloths. She carefully wrapped in the first cloth Shang's dagger. In the second cloth she wrapped the dagger of Shan-Yu, careful not to wipe off the sticky, almost dry blood from the blade. She got everything set for the trip tomorrow, and then got ready for bed. Everything was going to be okay.
That night she rested well, and dreamt of beautiful things. It was the first of many contented nights to come.
Shang woke up. It was late morning, just before noon. He lay there, shocked that he slept in that late. The last time he remembered sleeping in was years ago. He jumped out of bed, quickly bathed, got dressed, and ate. He had to tend the yard today. The grass was getting overgrown, and the trees needed to be pruned.
He quickly got to work, executing his job with ease. Mulan crossed his mind more than once that morning. In fact, that's what gave him the quickness he needed to do his chores. He would visit her tomorrow. Apologizing wouldn't be easy, but he was sure it would be worth it.
"Care for some water?" His mom held out a glass of water to Shang.
"Thanks." He took the glass, and drank steadily until the water was gone. Li Mei watched her son. He turned out to be a fine young man. She knew by the lightness of his attitude that he realized it wasn’t his fault for hurting Mulan. He was wearing work clothes, which were stained green on the knees and elbows from the vegetation. She still thought he looked better in his uniform. He handed her back the glass, smiling. There was a twinkle in his eyes. Li Mei remembered him as a child. She turned, moving back to the house, thinking of when Shang hit his first bullseye, got his first toy, made his first friend.. and now she knew that she just witnessed him fall in love for the first time. He hadn't been exposed to girls much, but he knew tradition, and she was sure he would make a perfect husband. He was honest, trusting, fair, smart, strong, polite, and handsome. She wondered to herself what this Fa Mulan was like as she entered the house, and returned to doing her housework.
It was nearly five in the afternoon, and Shang hadn't taken a single break, save lunch. He finally got through with all his yard work and came inside, hot and dusty, but not at all tired. He quickly bathed again, this time changing into his uniform. Hey, it was comfortable. He just about stepped out of his room when he heard someone come up to the front of the house. He peeked around the corner to see who it was. This was something he always did ever since he was a child. His mother answered. He couldn't hear her, but he watched her invite the stranger in.
He watched as he saw a young maiden of about sixteen enter the house. She had on a blue and red dress, with a pink sash. Her figure moved sweetly into his living room. He ducked back into his room, breathing just a little heavier than before. Her short hair gave it away. It was Mulan.
He quietly creeped down the hallway until he was in earshot of the two women.
"It is nice to finally meet you, Fa Mulan." Li Mei smiled. She seemed a good match for her son. "My son should soon be out for dinner. He just finished tending the yard."
"I love your house. It's so beautifully decorated, and the colors here are so lively."
"Thank you." Li Mei accepted the compliment. "So, what brings you here?"
"Well, actually, I was hoping I could speak with Shang."
"I hear you live a ways off.. you are welcome to stay for dinner, and we have an extra bedroom if you would like to stay the night."
"Thank you very much, Mrs. Li." Mulan accepted the invitation.
"You are always welcome here. Anyone whom my son is familiar with is a worthy guest." Li Mei bowed her head. "He is the head of this house, now." She said solemnly.
"I am sorry." Mulan said, placing a hand on her shoulder. A tear slid down Li Mei's cheek. Mulan knelt forward to give the woman a hug. They embraced eachother for a short while.
"So.." Shang's mother wiped away a tear. "Tell me about yourself, Mulan."
Shang knew he had to come in sooner or later, and it might as well be sooner. He took this moment as his oppportunity. He walked slowly into the living room where his mother and Mulan sat. He nodded silently to both women, and then turned to his mother.
"So.. what's for supper?" he asked, smiling, breaking the stiff silence.
"Why don’t we find out?" answered his mother mysteriously, who then got up and walked to the kitchen.
"Let me show you to our dining room." Shang said to Mulan. He held out his hand to help her up. She took it gratefully. Was this the same Shang who left her yesterday? He seemed better.. like the Shang she knew before. She smiled as he helped her up. Shang, still holding her hand, led her to the dining room. The sat down at the table. Soon, Shang's mother came in with their dinner.
"Sweet and sour pork!" Shang smiled, jumping up from his kneeling position. He gave his mother a huge hug. This was his favorite meal ever since he was ten years old. He turned to Mula, who raised her eyebrows in surprise. "It's my favorite dish" he shrugged at her. She shook her head once, smiling at him. Dinner was served.
"Shang" Mulan was never one for the 'don’t speak until spoken to' tradition. "I came because--"
"Wait a minute. Before you say anything, I want to apologize for what I did to you. I left you and your family without saying goodbye. I was not polite, and did not display a gentleman-like attitude. I'm sorry." He bowed his head slightly to her, and did not look up until she spoke to him.
"It's alright." He looked at her. "Everything is okay." They all commenced eating dinner, and soon, all the rice, vegetables, and pork was gone. "Dinner was spectacular. Thank you very much." Mulan said to Li Mei.
"Thank you" she said, standing. She bagan to collect the dishes. Mulan began to help. "No need to help, my dear. You are our guest here. Perhaps Shang would like to show you around?" She looked at Shang, hoping he would pick up on her hint.
"Come on, Mulan," Shang said, wiping his face and hands, "Let's go for a walk." Mulan also wiped her face and hands, set the napkin on the table, and stood to join him. The walked outside into the cool night air.
Shang looked at Mulan as they walked down through his backyard. Although the night was cold, he felt a sense of warmth flow over his body. They walked along in silence. The silence wasn't awkward- it was just.. natural. They had both come a long was from saving the emperor, and they had discovered that they had a lot in common.
"So, have you met up with the matchmaker yet?" Shang asked her, without a trace of nervousness. It was just like asking a friend if they had seen the sunset the night before. He watched Mulan. She smirked.
"Don’t remind me," she said, smiling. Now that she looked back on it, the experience was rather funny. She giggled to herself.
"Why?" Shang laughed lightly. "What happened?" He smiled that killer smile of his.
"Uhm, heh, well, yeah, I met her- heh, but we didn’t exactly hit it off." She looked at Shang. He was looking at her, interested in what she was going to say next. She went on to tell him the entire story.
"Heh, I can't believe you made her catch on fire!" he laughed, when she was done.
"I know… isn't that weird? I was soo surprised." They smiled at eachother, and kept strolling deeper into Shang's backyard. Neither of them said any more. Now the silence was awkward.
"Let me show you something." Shang told her, changing his direction. Mulan quietly followed him. Shang pushed back a few branches from a bush, and bowed at Mulan, gesturing for her to pass him. She nodded, and did so. Once she got past the bush, she looked around. She was standing on soft grass which extended for quite a ways. In front of her was a small pond, but big enough to hold a certain majestic aura. Her mouth opened slightly, reflecting her awe at the beauty of such a sight. Shang came up next to her. He, too, examined the view. The full moon was clearly reflected off of the pond, and it was so bright that the entire pond had just the slightest hue of blue. The trees across the pond swayed gently in the breeze. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Mulan shivering.
"Are you cold?" He asked, turning to face her.
"No, I'm fine." She replied. Shang gave her a discerning look, He reached up and unfastened his cape. Moving closer to her, he flipped it around her tiny frame, and re-fastened the tie. "Thanks," she said, slightly grinning at him. He sighed, and looked around to his right, observing the peacefulness of the scenery, and then back at Mulan. He always did this when he wanted to say something important to her.
"Mulan- when I saw what happened to you, I couldn't stand the thought that I could have done something like that to you."
"But Shang, that’s why I came here. I wanted to tell you .. you didn’t do it. And don’t tell me you did, because I know you didn’t, and I have proof."
"Proof?" He looked at her strangely.
"Yes. After you left, father and I went into the stable.. and we examined both yours and Shan-Yu's daggers.
Shan-Yu's dagger had my blood on it."
Shang looked at her, wrinkling his forehead. He relaxed it, letting what she was telling him sink in. His eyes glistened, and without thinking, he pulled her close to him, his arms encasin her like a soft, warm blanket. He rested his head on hers. A small tear of relief slid down his face, and dropped onto her hair. Still holding her close, Shang kissed the top of her head. He felt wild tonight, like he couldn’t hold himself back. Against all his will, he spoke.
"I love you, Mulan." He said. He listened to his words, as if someone else was saying them. They sounded nervous, unsure, and childish. He wondered if he did the right thing. He loosened his embrace on Mulan. She moved back to look up at him. He was so strong, and she felt safe with him. But as she looked at him now, he seemed weaker-- like a child, almost. She realized then that she was his vulnerability, his strength, his passion, and like he told her before, his heart.
"And I love you, Shang." She said. He watched her say this in what seemed like slow motion. By the light of the moon, he could see the slightest hint of pink in her cheeks, and the moisture of the pond rested on her head, making it look as if her hair were adorned with diamonds. He drew her close again by the waist with his left hand, and raised her head gently with is right. He closed his eyes, and felt warmth as her lips touched his. His hand left her face, and wrapped neatly around her back. He felt her arms wrap gently around his neck, and then lost himself in the passion of the kiss. And for one perfect moment, Li Shang and Fa Mulan became one.
The End